Saturday, June 27, 2015
Who do you want to be?
Every day you make choices about who you want to be and what you want to do in your life ...... You make choices about the relationships you want to cultivate and build - as well as sometimes choices about the relationships you need to end, because they have become too toxic and destructive..
There are people who really care for you ....
You will probably have people around you that will sometimes try to influence the choices you make. Some of those people care deeply for you .... They offer advice and sometimes might tell you what they think you should be doing in your life. In their own way, they are trying to help you, maybe even protect you.
There may be people who pretend to care for you - but it's more about manipulation
You may have some people in your life who try to influence you - and their motives are not always necessarily so pure. These may be people who are trying to control you for their own purposes - in other words, it's more about what's good for them than what's good for you. Those people are trying to take advantage of you and possibly can be quite devious in the way they may seek to manipulate you. They may pretend to care - but they are selfish and just thinking about what's best for their own self-interest. Sometimes, they will even try to isolate you from your other friends, so as to make you more vulnerable and susceptible to their influence (this was a known tactic used by cults in the past)
If you've got these types of negative people in your life who are trying to control you for their own purposes, then maybe it's time to prune those relationships. Maybe it's time you moved on from them to discover and create a brighter future for yourself ......
Spend more time with people that inspire you and bring the best out in you
As you journey down the path of personal development and self-improvement, try to surround yourself with positive, caring people. With people who bring out the best in you - they encourage and support you to be happy. Actively seek to build relationships with people that you can learn from; with people that you can share good times and good memories.
When you're around people who you respect - and when those people share the same respect for you - then you will find that these relationships help you to become a better person and to fulfil your potential.
But it's still up to you - who do you want to be? ....... Start becoming that person today - a person you can be proud of. A person who has found peace and happiness within themselves - and who in turn becomes a positive example that inspires others.
By the way, check out Are You Playing to Your Strengths?
Saturday, December 27, 2014
What will you eat for lunch? ..... What will you watch on TV? ...... Which will you wear today? ..... These types of choices aren't too life defining - although I suppose if you eat junk food every day, then it may become more life defining.
But there are other choices you make that are not as trivial and have far wider consequences. .... Choices about the career direction you take. Choices about the relationships you cultivate and the people with whom you associate. Choices about money. Choices about whether you smoke, drink, or do drugs .....
- Making life choices
Choices about whether you run with the pack, or whether you carefully choose your friends and become your own person....... Choices about whether you will stay quiet when you see something that is unfair and wrong - or whether you will stand up, speak up and be heard.
These are the types of choices that carry with them far more serious consequences - and longer term effects. And so if you choose without proper thought, or if you choose just to please someone else, then you risk later paying a much bigger price than what you might have ever imagined.
So, every so often, step back from what's going on in your life ..... Take a few deep breaths - and ask yourself these questions - Who do you want to be? ..... What sort of person do you want to become? ... What are you wanting to achieve with your life? .....Will the choices you are making now move you closer towards your dreams and goals?
- Some keys for making good choices
So, what are the keys to making good decisions and choices? ...... Well one key is to consider all your options before you choose. Another key is to take the time to gather any information that you might need - so you can make an informed choice, rather than an impulsive or emotional one.
If you feel that you might benefit from gaining some advice from other people, make sure that you ask the right people - people who care about you and have your best interests at heart. People who have some valuable experience that they can share with you. Sometimes other people might help you to see an option that you'd completely overlooked ..... But at the end of the day, despite the ideas and suggestions others might offer to you - it will still be your choice. You will be the one paying the price when you make life choices - so think it through carefully. But equally, know when you've given it enough thought and it's time for you to take action
- And if you realise you've made some wrong choices
Sometimes when you do some honest self-reflection and look back on things, you might realise that you've made some bad choices. You might even feel like those choices have brought you to a bad place ....... But you can start changing your life now by making different choices
Hey - we've all made mistakes. Admit it, learn from it - and then choose to move forward, and not look backwards. Vow to yourself that you will choose better in the future! Don't beat yourself up for those wrong choices - you'll know better next time
Your choices end up defining your life. You were born with some God-given talents, potential and abilities ..... You may not yet have completely recognised what they are - but they are there. There is a giant within each of us. Personal development is about the journey of discovering that giant. And when you do discover your true potential, this treasure that lies within you - then you make choices about whether you will apply yourself and live to your potential.
More than your abilities, more than your talents - it is the choices you make that will determine how far you go in life. And no-one said that making the right choice is always going to be easy. You will have to grapple with uncertainty. Sometimes, you need to be prepared to make some tough choices that cost you in the short-term - but you gain the rewards in the longer-term...... Choose to work hard today - so you can enjoy tomorrow.
So my wish for you, is that you choose wisely. And that your choices are one's that bring you closer towards enjoying a life of happiness, peace-of-mind and purpose
Before we finish - here's a short video clip on the theme of choosing your friends wisely ..... Choose friends that encourage you and want to support you to be successful. Choose friends who will help to bring the best out of you
About the author
Hi, my name's Brian Carroll, I'm the founder of Performance Development, I'm a qualified psychologist with a passion for helping people achieve their goals in life and business. This article was inspired by my mate Dave and some advice about life that he shared with his daughter. If you want to find out more about me, go to my Google + profile
Monday, August 11, 2014
I'm not talking about those people who are rude and thoughtless - and say insulting things to others, and don't give a crap about whether they've upset or offended others. Not the people who put others down and make snide, sneering comments in a feeble attempt to hide their own insecurities.
No, I mean those people who seem to know what they stand for. They show respect and courtesy for others, as long as this is deserved. But they have such a strong sense of inner self-respect that they won't be easily swayed by someone else saying something critical or negative to them. They don't go with the group just because everyone else is saying it or doing it ...... instead they do what they think is the right thing, even though it doesn't seem the popular thing to do at the time.
Their sense of self-worth, how they feel about themselves, isn't defined by what other people say about them. Yeah - these people just seem to walk tall, and that's got nothin' to do with their height.
The freedom to be "different"
Any attempt at peer group pressure with these people is like "water off a ducks back". They don't have any fear or anxiety about whether other people think they are nerdy or freaky - they just seem happy being who they are. They don't try to be fashionable in order to gain acceptance - but neither do they feel any need to oppose what might be fashionable
Funny thing is, once one person voices a different opinion in a group, or adopts a different style from the rest, it's not long before at least a few others start doing the same thing. And have you ever noticed how sometimes these "individuals" end up becoming the trend-setters ...... although that this is not something they seek or desire.
You might say to them "Gees, you're not wearing that to the party are you?" and they'll just look calmly back at you and smile in a completely non-fussed sort of way, and reply "Yep, I like it". These are the people who really have developed the inner freedom to "dance like no-one's watching"
In other words, these people seem to have found the secret of being happy with who they are ..... They are not dependent upon the approval or acceptance of others in order to feel good about themselves. They like who they are and don't have to get affirmation from others in order to feed a sense of self-worth.
They have learned to trust their own feelings and instincts. Now that's not to say that they won't listen to others. Of course they do .... because they recognise their own limitations - and they also have enough humility to accept that sometimes other people will have more knowledge and experience than they do/ And they're not too proud to admit that....... They're not scared to admit to what they don't know, nor are they afraid to ask other people for ideas or suggestions. But then they make up their own mind.
They make their own decisions....... And they take responsibility for their choices, if things don't completely work out. But the other thing that I notice is they don't beat themselves up if they make a mistake. They learn and then they move on from it.
Yeah, some people have really got their act together, all right.
Me? ....... well, personal development is all still very much a work in progress. But I'm slowly getting it...... See what you think of the video clip below - I think this guy makes some good points about not caring too much about what others think of you. Otherwise, you'll get nervous worrying about the impression you're making, and then you lose your natural spontaneity.
And finally, one last video on the theme of making choices about what you want for your future ...
Saturday, March 8, 2014
· Achievement requires self-belief
Motivation requires that you hold a belief that you can finish what you’ve set out to achieve. One way to increase this inner belief is seeing or hearing other people accomplish what they have believed they can accomplish. Other people’s achievements can give you an extra dose of belief and inspire you with an extra boost of motivation.
· Beth’s story
Some girls at school saw her drawing that she was going to enter and made some horrible remarks about it and said it would never win - they laughed at the idea of her becoming an artist. Unfortunately, Beth believed the girls and allowed herself to be convinced that she had nothing to offer. The idea of failure was planted in Beth’s head, so she didn’t enter the competition and completely gave up drawing for quite a while.
· Don’t let a fear of failure hold you back
It seems to me that Beth, along with countless of others are afraid of failure and that’s what keeps people from trying. If you could do anything and know you would not fail, what would you do? ….. I’ll bet that you would do something that you’ve always wanted to do.
Monday, January 27, 2014
|Kortney Olson, empowering young women with self-belief|
Saturday, September 21, 2013
It might be a failed business venture that leaves us feeling a deep, lingering sense of self-doubt and questioning whether we have any of the types of qualities needed to be successful. There could even perhaps be severe financial losses, and not just the emotional costs, that leave us battling with despair..
Or it could be a failed relationship, leaving us an emotional wreck and wondering whether we will ever meet the right person and whether we will ever be free of the deep sense of loneliness and emptiness that seems so overwhelming at times.
Life presents us with many challenges, and yet these experiences can have within them the seeds of tremendous personal development insights and lessons ....... although we may not necessarily recognise this at the time. It can sometimes take a while before we recover from these "kicked in the guts" phases of our life. Well-intentioned friends or family try to encourage us to persevere ..... but it just doesn't seem that easy to do and part of us is sorely tempted to give it all up.
Well, here is the story of a young man who was born without limbs. He found within himself the spirit to persevere .... His message is simple, you don't have to let life knock you down, you can still find a way to experience joy and fulfilment. I think in this short video clip, his story might help to put some things in perspective - if you're going through a tough time yourself at the moment.
Be prepared to shed a tear or two and I hope you feel inspired to persevere with your own personal development journey. Things can change - so have faith that you can turn your life around ....
It reminds us that small acts of kindness can have big ripple effects ....... give a little and you'll be amazed at how others can be inspired to give as well. And then pretty soon, we've ended up making a difference! (push the "skip the ad" button n the clip)
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Or perhaps you're thinking of starting your own business - but feeling a bit apprehensive about it?
Well, one of the keys to getting ahead in either your career or in your business is how you manage your own personal development. The following video clip makes the point that you need to have a strong inner sense of self-worth as the foundation for your career advancement. In nurturing this sense of self-woth comes the belief that you deserve to be happy and successful. Of course, a healthy dose of self-confidence will help you to avoid being held back by any fear of failure.
To get ahead, you need to be willing to invest in developing new skills. Your existing skills got you to where you are now, but an additional set of skills is likely necessary for you to advance to that next level in your life
See what you think .....
Copyright 2013. Brian Carroll – founder and director of Melbourne based corporate training and coaching company Performance Development